Written by Bob Muppet
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Monday, 17 January 2005

image for Bush Changes QWERTY to BLAIRTY
Blair Goes From Lapdog to Laptop

‘Who is responsible for designing this keyboard?' was the latest outburst from the troubled President Bush when he tried to use a word processor for the first time.

It has long been known that George .W has never written any coherent documents since leaving college because of his dyslexia. Consequently he has had to rely on a trusty army of loyal secretaries to prepare his speeches and he has never actually used a word processor or even a typewriter.

Recently, however, the President's loyal workers have deserted him following revelations that there were no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq and this has forced him to write his own scripts.

It came as a shock, therefore when the war-loving President discovered that the letters on the keyboard were laid out illogically.

‘Call me mister dumb-butt if you will, but the alphabet starts with an ‘A' and ends with a ‘Z'', the troubled George.W was heard to comment.

‘Why then does this heap of human detritus have the bleeding letters scattered all over the show?

‘I bet it's all the fault of that Microsoft troublemaker, bolshie Bill Gates,' Bush reasoned.

‘I'm the most powerful man on this lily-livered bleeding planet and that makes me much more powerful than Gate's bleeding Windows crap. I'll force him to stop making all his terrorist inspired keyboards.'

President Bush appointed the silver tongued smoothie, Donald Rumsfeld to redesign the keyboard and was impressed by the way he applied himself to the task.

After six months, Rumsfeld reported a major breakthrough in keyboard design that would have the dual function of helping in the fight against terrorism and also reward the Presidents most loyal supporter.

‘We'll get rid of the letter'Q'. reasoned Rumsfeld.

‘All the troublesome things in this stinking planet have a ‘Q' in them', he explained.

‘There could be no Al Queda if the ‘Q' was deleted. Neither could there be a bothersome country of Iraq,'

‘But how can I reward my faithful lap dog, Tony Blair?', George W demanded.

‘Simply tell your friend Bill Gates that he will be sent to rot in Guantanamo Bay if he doesn't withdraw all QWERTY keyboards and replace them with politically correct BLAIRTY keyboards,' Rumsfeld advised.

‘Yes, BLAIRTY does have a ring to it,' the ageing President enthused.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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