Bizarre times in Los Angeles - The LAPD have revealed that in the past two weeks they have received a spate of calls from concerned citizens reporting that they've encountered Michael Jackson stalking the night time streets of the Los Angeles metropolitan district.
At first, the 911 calls were dismissed as the work of cranks, but LAPD began to take them a little more seriously as they started to flood in, more often than not coming from highly reputable sources - including cops.
Jackson sightings have been reported from Laurel Canyon Boulevard, Universal Studios theme park in Hollywood, Happy Valley, Burbank, and Disneyland. In all cases Jackson was reported to be walking unsteadily, dressed in the trademark red jacket and black trousers he wore in the Thriller video, the hat from the Smooth Criminal video, and a single silver sequined glove.
In all cases, Jackson was reported to appear to be having difficulty walking, and making spasmodic head movements. Twenty year LAPD veteran, Patrolman Hump Regulari told us:
"It was the damnedest thing I ever saw. I can't explain it. All I know is that it was Michael Jackson. No doubt. It wasn't no look-alike or no practical joker. I saw his face right up close and personal. He had the eyes of a dead fish. But by the time I got out of the car, he'd disappeared into thin air..."
Jackson sightings have been reported by other cops, by clergymen, by academics, doctors, and scientists. And while nobody seems prepared to offer an explanation for the mystery, they are all adamant that it was Michael Jackson who they saw.
Desperate to put the case to bed, LAPD Homicide Detective, Lieutenant Al Cadrone took a team of lab technicians to the secret location of the Jackson crypt, for the purpose of examining the coffin and its contents in order to verify the integrity of such.
Which is when an alert CSI guy spotted that the seal on the coffin had been tampered with. Not wishing to cause the Jackson family further distress, a fiber-optical camera, of the type used by surgeons was delicately fed into the casket.
The image which was transmitted from the camera to the laptop screen in the crypt revealed that Jackson's body was present - as expected - but that it was in as pristine a condition as the day it was interred.
Hardened law enforcement officers audibly gasped as the camera revealed that the King Of Pop's cheeks and lips were just as rosy red as if he'd been out for a brisk early morning walk.
Our reporter asked Lieutenant Cadrone what the next stage of the investigation was likely to be. Lieutenant Cadrone just shook his head in bewilderment and said:
"I'll be fucked if I know son. Fucked if I know..."
We'll be sure to keep our readers posted on any further developments.