The headless remains of a suicide bomber who blew the entire cast and production company of the mind-numbing reality show "Dancing with the Stars" to a billion bits, were given a ticker tape parade in New York City over the weekend.
Professor of Sociology, Dr. Rupert Merckle, was spotted in the crowd of thousands of well-wishers and commented on the unbelievably joyous occasion, that so many thought would never come. "The darkest days of the world are now behind us thanks to this brave individual who frankly gave his own life so we can live," exclaimed an overwhelmed Dr. Merckle. Indeed, the "Series that Wouldn't Stop" was responsible for the collective weight gain in American society of over 700 billion pounds, and resulted in at least one "God is Dead" headline in the New York Times.
The huge explosion occurred in the last segment of the program, while the idiotic cast and crew were standing on the stage. A middle-aged white man, later identified as Mark Smith, jumped onto the stage, did a fancy eyebrow-raising jig, yelled "Soy Bomb!" and suddenly exploded, taking the entire show, including the heady ratings, down with him.
After the explosion, paramedics rushed from backstage where they were busy resuscitating the careers of the contestants, and immediately began trying to piece together plastic boobs, hairpieces, asses and noses as fast as they could, to no avail.
Meanwhile, the ticker tape parade for Smith, "A True Hero to Humanity," as he is now known worldwide, was successfully choreographed through the streets of New York City without a hitch.