A spokesman for The Tea Party movement announced today an elite brigade for The Tea-Baggers. SS is the acronym for "Saliva Solutions" and members will be instructed in the art of spitting and chosen from those that already have shown an ability to spit, in either a rapid succession or those few who can "hock an oyster" and deliver it accurately to the face of any subject. This "Ad Hock" Committee of the group will serve as the elite shock troops for various meetings and gatherings. Their rallying cry: The World is My Oyster. The mission: Hock & Shock."
"Spitting is the ultimate form of disdain," says T.J. McCorkle, of Louisburg, NC, and a spokesman for the group. "The brigade specializes in group and individual spitting and can deploy on a moment's notice. Our SS Youth Corps is open to all children between the ages of six and fifteen. Camps will start this summer and preliminary programs are in place now at Sunday Schools around the country. Each child will have an attractive brown shirt and arm band with a little lightning bolt on it. Who knows, maybe one day one of these little Brown Shirts will grow up and be the Pope!"
McCorkle continued, "We been spitting on the ground like forever. It is time to use that which is the best part of us and spit for God, country, and the human race. It is time to take our country back, one spit at a time!"
In related news, Tea Baggers have announced "Spitzkrieg," a march on Washington next fall to confront and spit on all Democratic members of Congress, the administration, and selected members of the Supreme Court.