Written by Dr. Billingsgate
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Saturday, 3 April 2010

image for Chimp Denies Being Terrorist: Says Waterboarding Most Fun He's Had With Pants On
Monkey Sees, Monkey Does

Jihadi, the simian expatriot from the Orangutan Rehab Center in Sumatra, who was captured while attempting to board a flight from Honolulu to LAX a couple of weeks ago, is now a detainee in the GITMO facility constructed to incarcerate Muslim terrorists.

Jihadi, who was on his way to a class reunion in Detroit, was nabbed by Homeland Security officials in Honolulu who felt he fit the raghead profile disseminated by Janet Napolitano.

Although not as tall as most homo sapien terrorists, his facial features and abundant body hair made him a prime suspect in the war against terror. Caged in a 10x12 cell among hundreds of other suspected terrorists, Jihadi bamboozled the BCST (Behavioral Science Consultation Team) assigned to debrief him.

Speaking in a dialect that so far they have not been able to quantify, the hirsute chimp squeaked and grunted through hours and hours of intense interrogation without giving up any information remotely connected to Al Queda or bin Laden. Suspecting that he may have undergone SERE (Survival, Evasion, Resistance and Escape) training prior to his capture, they decided to strap him onto a waterboard and soften him up a tad. This was a real "rumble in the jungle" for the beleaguered orangutan. But after undergoing numerous waterboardings, he thumbed his nose at his captors, letting them know that this was "the most fun he's ever had with his pants on."

I am sorry to say that they are now planning to close down GITMO. For years the ACLU and the bleeding heart, pinko liberals have been trying to close this facility because they felt that the ragheads were being deprived of their constitutional right to kill us. Ironically, it was an animal rights group who stepped in to save Jahidi and demanded the facility be closed.

The moral of this story is that if you treat ragheads like humans, some monkey will make you pay dearly for it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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