Washington, DC - President Obama announced today that he is ready to open up some drilling off the coasts of the United States.
However, Alaska's Bristol Bay, named after Palin's daughter, Bristol (hah, just making that part up), won't be part of the plan, nor will other new areas of Alaska's northern coastline be opened up for future drilling.
Said an Obama spokesperson, "Plain and simple, don't p*ss off Obama. He is the President with presidential powers. Whoever doesn't get that message is going to be in for quite a rude awakening."
In other presidential news, President Obama has decided to close the Grand Canyon National Park until further notice due to his distaste for Sen. John McCain buddying up to "that Palin woman."
Obama's strategy seems to be that if he chokes the lifeblood out of the states that Palin is associated with, the people will finally relent and call for Sarah Palin to stand down.
Seems Mr. Obama was listening pretty well the day his momma told him, "son, don't get mad, get even."