TOLEDO OHIO (AP) The collapse of the second floor of a house in a residential neighborhood took the lives of an entire extended family early this morning. Fire rescue crews were summoned to the house on West Maple Street by neighbors who heard a loud noise as the house collapsed. It took several hours to piece together what brought about the destruction of the fine old house in the quiet west side neighborhood.
The next-door neighbor, Mrs. Townsend, said, "I've known the Rumsfeld family for many years. The old man moved here in the 1940's just after the war. He was always a fine well-groomed gentleman. He and his wife have been very nice neighbors to me. Their son and his family have been living with them for the past fifteen years as well. Everybody liked them. This is terrible!"
Fire Rescue Captain Joe Schaffer made a statement after sorting out all the facts. "It appears that old man Rumsfeld was upstairs shaving while the rest of the family was down in the big kitchen eating breakfast. What we discovered was really awful: seven bodies beneath a huge pile of rotten lumber and thousands of used razor blades! I think what might have happened is that over the course of many years, the old man has been shaving upstairs and disposing of his used double edged blades in that little slot at the rear of that old steel medicine cabinet.
There must have been quite a collection of razor blades back there---because that is what made the floor give out this morning! The whole family was sliced up pretty bad!"
A spokesman for the Gillette Safety Razor Company said, "A similar incident to this happened back in the early 1950's. We took immediate correction and started manufacturing metal containers for our Blue Blades that contained a special slot at the back for disposing of the old blades. We didn't want to get sued again! I don't know why this old fellow kept on dumping his blades down the back of his medicine cabinet. You'd think people would understand that there is just so much space behind that wall."
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