Written by Skoob1999
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Tuesday, 30 March 2010

image for Fr Francois DuBois Arrested Again In NASCAR Bar Brawl
Are You Fuckin Lookin At Me Asshole?

West 'By God' Virginia - Disgraced bogus priest Father Francois DuBois SJ heaped yet more shame upon his accursed soul last night when he was arrested yet again over a barroom brawl that left seven men in the hospital and a cocker spaniel bitch in a state of shock and nervous exhaustion.

The incident occurred as DuBois and his friend, Altar Boy Pete were returning from a goodwill visit to The Church Of The Happy Chinaman in Slipson Falls.

The Parish Priest of The Happy Chinaman in Slipson Falls, Fr Mdinguh Ringstinguh stated that DuBois and Altar Boy Pete seemed in good spirits when they departed Slipson Falls and that there was no indication of any aggression. Although the pair were reported to be running an hour late.

According to DuBois' statement, Altar Boy Pete had been really looking forward to watching the NASCAR racing on the TV, but as they were running late, they realized that they weren't going to make it on home in time.

DuBois - who hates NASCAR racing suggested to Altar Boy Pete that the pair of them pull up at the first bar they come across and fall in there for a cold beer or six and to watch the NASCAR race on the big TV screen.

DuBois denied that he and Altar Boy Pete were already drunk on communion wine from the Church Of The Happy Chinaman when the duo entered the Oasis Bar And Grill in the small town of Lickettes Butte, about thirty miles shy of home.

At first there was no animosity directed at the two men as they sat on barstools at the Oasis Bar And Grill and sipped beers while they waited for the NASCAR racing to come on the TV.

A customer then described how a local hoodlum named Brassie Balzzino then started to taunt the clergymen about being a pair of them there pedophile priests that the Pope hisself was protectin' and called them a pair of filthy fucking kiddy fiddlers.

Reports confirm that DuBois and Altar Boy Pete (who is 67) did not respond to the unnecessary taunting other than Father DuBois telling Brassie Balzzino not to let his mouth write checks that his fists couldn't ever cash, and warning the hoodlum that he would get his clock cleaned, his ribs cracked. his arms fractured, his legs broke and his pecker disconnected if he didn't knock off the silly shit at once.

Balzzino knocked off the silly shit at once when he saw the homicidal glint in DuBois' eye, and kept his trap shut, although he did appear to stew in his own gravy for a while.

Once the NASCAR racing got started on the TV there was relative calm until somebody hollered out about the NASCAR racing being a big heap of steaming dog poop because it was just a bunch of idiots driving pretty fast round a track and going no place in particular. In fact, the man added, it weren't so much different than the Oasis parking lot on a Saturday night.

The evidence indicates that it was at this point that the brawling got started and that Francois DuBois and Altar Boy Pete fought the whole damn room in the nastiest fight seen in Lickettes Butte since Chamone got caught two-timing the Budda brothers.

Order was finally restored when Sheriff Rooter Hogbutt marched into the Oasis with five deputies and blew a leg off of a table and shattered a bottle of Wild Turkey as he opened fire with his pump action shotgun.

Fr Francois DuBois and Altar Boy Pete came quietly to the po-lice leaving behind seven men in need of hospital treatment.

When this was pointed out to Fr DuBois he reportedly said: "Fuck em."

In all the commotion nobody noticed who won the damn NASCAR race.

There'll be more when DuBois gets out on bail. That bastard has a rap sheet longer than the trans-Alaska oil pipeline.

The sumbitch.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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