Written by Tawdry Soup
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Topics: Jesus, spring break

Sunday, 28 March 2010

image for Sloshed Christian on Spring Break Asks: "Who Would Jesus Do?"
Spring break!!!

Spring break found 19 year old self-professed Christian, Cory Johnson, slouched against the back of the "Beer'n'Boobs" bar in Ft. Lauderdale, surrounded by tacky beach décor and gawking through one eye at a gaggle of gussied up girls dancing, giggling and glancing over their shoulders at him.

As the moralistic Johnson tried to focus his beer goggles on this incredible selection of young beauties, the only question entering his besotted brain was the obvious, "Who would Jesus Do?"

Suddenly, Johnson saw a divine sign and began to move toward a petite brunette texting her friends and not paying the slightest attention to Johnson until he fell on top of her.

Three seconds later he found himself floating to the parking lot held aloft in a crucifixion-like pose by four centurion-like bouncers. After his friends found him in unconscious in a pile of blue and green vomit, they dragged him back to the hotel, and threw him into a heap on the floor.

Later that night, as Johnson made himself comfortable with his trusty friend Rosy Palmer, it occurred to him that good ol' Jesus had provided him with the right answer yet again…

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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