Written by b kenneth mcgee
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Sunday, 28 March 2010

image for New Vatican Edict: No Child Left Behind

Just when you thought that the Catholic Church couldn't possibly do anything more to make a horrible situation worse, news agencies are reporting a new Vatican edict: No Child Left Behind.

Apparently, according to sources inside the Vatican, it is an attempt to tamp down the growing scandal that is threatening the Pope himself. "We just want the world to know, we care about children," says a spokesman, "and we can't let a few bad apples hurt our Holy Father." A reporter followed up, "But Monsignor, it seems like it is more than just a few bad apples, sounds more like a bushel." The Monsignor replied, "Evidentially, you are un-aware of the other Holy Edict."

"What's that," asked the journalist.

"Don't ask, don't tell," said the holy man and abruptly left the room.

The Guardian (UK) is reporting the following today: Pope Benedict today risked inflaming opinion as he appeared to round on critics of the Catholic church over the widening sexual abuse scandal, saying he would not "be intimidated by ... petty gossip."

An open mike picked up the Pope as he was leaving the stage, saying to an aide in a voice mimicking Colonel Klink on the Hogan's Heroes TV series: "I see nossing, I hear nossing, I say nossing," and laughed.

A journalist, who also happens to be
Catholic, turned to a companion and remarked:

"Do you think Angels weep?"

Companion: "Is the Pope Catholic?"

Journalist: "I guess you just answered my question."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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