The widow Eulabelle Parsons of Beaver Valley, in east Tennessee told police this morning "that that one guy that used to be on TV" may have raped her.
When asked which guy, she stated, "Well, I don't know, there's so many shows on and all those channels."
Police then asked why she didn't know if she had been raped or not?
"Well, I never did feel anything so I'm not shore."
Police next told her they could take some DNA samples if there was any sperm left on her, but she said she had washed herself good afterward and besides, there was nothing to clean up.
"You see, all it did was tickle me and I got laughing so hard he finally fell off and got up and ran away....Maybe it was a woman?"
The police said they didn't know. Then they asked for a description.
"Well it was that old boy where he and his wife had a whole bunch of children. But it wasn't the Waltons. I'd know John Walton if it was him."
Finally she told Blount County officers, "Let's just forget the whole thing. That DNA sounds rough. Think with a name like DNA, it could explode! It's bad enough to get tickled half to death."