Austin, Texas - In a bold bid to protect the children of Texas from the encroaching socialist ideas of sharing of toys and fair play, today State Senator BillyJoe "Barito" Buffet introduced legislation aimed at keeping Santa Claus off the roofs of little cowboys homes come Christmas.
"To begin with, nobody in their right mind thinks Claus is giving away toys for free," said the Senator, "he's gotta have something up his sleeves. And whatever it is, Texan's don't need it. Not now. Maybe we could have used it years ago, when I was a little boy.
"But Claus didn't bother to bring it then, did he? He only brought stuff for my Dad. Nothing for me or my Mom.
"My Dad told me that was 'cause by the time Claus got all the down to south Texas there were no toys left anyways. Just stuff like Bar-B-Q grills and Confederate flags - Coors beer maybe."
"It's a dog eat dog world out there" said the Senator, "and the children of Texas need to learn that early on