Written by susan allen-rosario
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Topics: Las Vegas, Nevada

Friday, 31 December 2004

image for Tiger Claims "Self-Defense"
"He bit me first!"

Las Vegas, Nevada - "That bad man bit me first, and I had no choice but to defend myself," Montecore the Tiger told reporters. "No wonder he told everyone not to have me ‘put down,' because he knows that he started it."

Lawyers for Montecore the Tiger have file a deformation of character lawsuit against "Siegfried and Roy" on behalf of the tiger. Montecore hasn't been able to find work since the incident, because other acts are just too afraid to hire him lawyer's say, due to all the bad publicity.

"He is really a very nice man-eating tiger. He just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. He deserves his day in court and a second chance at performing."

World re-known feline forensic pathologist, Dr. Henry Flea, is currently doing research to support the tiger's claim of self-defense. Hair and fiber samples taken from Roy Horn's teeth, when he was admitted to the hospital, are being analyzed for traces of the tiger's fur.

"We hope to prove that Roy bit the tiger first. There is over whelming evidence to support this. Roy is reported to have had his teeth filed down like a big cat. It's just a question of matching Roy's dental prints with the bite marks in Mr. Tiger's neck," said Dr. Flea.

Dr. Henry Flea's research was instrumental in a case reported by Spoof several months ago, where a cat was accused of impersonating a dog to get dog food. Dr. Flea was able to prove, that the family dog was actually guilty of the crime, and the cat, was completely innocent. (Muffy the dog filed a civil suit claiming that police planted a leather glove, covered with dog hair, at the scene of the crime to implicate him.) Dr. Flea hopes that he will be able to prove that the tiger is also innocent. The big cat is counting on it.

Montecore says he has been collecting unemployment and has moved out of "Siegfried and Roy's "pussy compound" (as he calls it.)

"Finding housing on my meager income and with a police record for assault, has been nearly impossible. Lately, I've been staying with friends and relatives and supporters from PETA."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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