WASHINGTON, D.C. (Friggemall Wire Services) -- Stoners across the country are holding mass celebrations after word spread that a tiny amendment tucked into the massive Health Care Reform bill legalized marijuana in the United States.
"I'm so stoked, dude!" yelled Jerry Purvis, an 23-year-old unemployed bricklayer from Danville, Illinois. "No more hiding my bag of stash in the toilet tank. I can leave it in my pocket with no worries, man!"
Purvis was not alone in his jubilation. Neil McCrane, a 19-year-old performance artist from Boston, echoed Purvis' joy. "It's awesome. So awesome," he said, tears welling in his eyes. "We've tried to okay my weed for so long, and they finally did it. I hear they put a Health Care thing somewhere in there, too, man. All I know is...I don't know, man. I'm so baked."
It is unknown which representative originated the amendment, but its passage with the Health Care Reform bill has not gone unnoticed among Washington's elite. Vice President Joe Biden was seen smoking a bowl less than an hour after President Barack Obama signed the bill into law. Biden, half-visible in a cloud of thick smoke, only replied that "This is some good shit" when asked for his comment on the sly amendment. He did announce that the President will hold a full press conference at "4:20 this afternoon," upon which the Vice President fell into gales of laughter.
Major companies such as Frito-Lay and Little Debbie are also seeing immediate benefits of the amendment's passage, as snack food sales have soared a whopping 72% in the past 24 hours.