Written by b kenneth mcgee
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Topics: suicide

Tuesday, 23 March 2010

As the Lemmings commit mass suicide by throwing themselves into the sea, the entire Republican congressional delegation marched to the Potomac River yesterday and threw themselves into the river. Reports are that the health care vote was the cause and the gloating of the Democrats was the impetus.

As Fox News had exclusive coverage of the event, their Monday night programs showed the legislators running to the edge of the river, throwing themselves in, and shouting, "Rather dead than red," an echo of the sixties and the Joseph McCarthy era of politics. As family members and staff cried out and rent their garments, the cameras rolled and the nations whack jobs wept.

Word of the demonstration had leaked out however, and what the Fox coverage didn't show, was the thirty corporate yachts stationed just off shore to pick up the members and whisk them to The Chevy Chase Yacht Club for cocktails and a buffet. The plan had been for them to stay in secret at the club for three days, after which they would return, Jesus-like, from the grave, to save the country from the evil-doers. When word of the mass drowning leaked out,the Democrats reacted with glee.Congressman Barney Frank released eighty-five suggestive and sexually explicit text messages he had received from Republican Congressman and Senators. Congressman Frank remarked "Doesn't seem like there is very much closet space left on the other side of the aisle!"

In related news, Speaker Nancy Pelosi released a text message from Republican Congresswoman Michele Bachmann that read simply, "And I'll get your little dog Toto too!" Speaker Pelosi commented, "Michele, who?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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