A 13 year old boy was attacked in the bathroom of a local D.C. zoo by an aged and disoriented cougar. The boy, his identity is being withheld to protect him from Barney Frank, is in good condition but the same can not be said for Nancy Pelosi.
"Oh my God it was horrible." The brave young man offered. "I was in taking a leak when this nightmare grabbed me. It was, it was naked, and all wrinkled and chit. It reminded me of that landlady from the movie Kingpin. Don't get me wrong my buddy was mauled by a cougar but that was Ms. Hotnumber in biology class and she was well….a hot number." When asked what his response was. "I jacked that harpie in the pie plate and she dropped like a sixty year old ass".
More and more reports have been coming out that former self perceived milf's have expanded out of their normal feeding grounds and prowling public bathrooms, schoolyards, and Boy Scout camping trips.
The disorientation of the felines stems from some delusional concept that they are still attractive despite the obvious.
Scientists have determined that the major problem is tied to the cougar's former partners' weight loss stemming from projectile vomiting after mating with the creatures who are well past their 'sell by' date. In clinical studies these former partners also tend to be immune to any stimulus connected to the cougars despite the wide variety of E.D. medications available such as Liagra.
Secret service agents rushed to the scene red faced and muttering 'crap not again'. They hauled away the unconscious skin bag and her broken teeth. They made several trips. Ms. Pelosi remains in a coma at an undisclosed medical facility in the area. Our thoughts and prayers go out. To the boy of course.