New York- Shocking reports out of New York City tonight suggest that Oprah Winfrey has consumed one of the world's richest men.
Stunned and horrified Celebrity Apprentice contestants were informed this afternoon that 'the Donald' was chased down by a hungry Winfrey, riding in a camouflaged, bright yellow Hummer limousine, on the corner of 5th avenue and 57th Street in Manhattan earlier this afternoon.
When last seen, Mr. Trump reportedly was kicking and shrieking as he was dragged into the Hummer vehicle by an unnamed Winfrey bodyguard, who just might have been Different Strokes star, Gary Coleman. Surprised bystanders reported that Winfrey was observed in the back of the limousine drooling and wearing a lobster bib.
What impact this abduction and consumption will have on the U.S. economy presently is unknown, but NBC is now reeling as it attempts to digest the horrifying reality that one of their own has, in fact, digested one of their own. "If she had to eat someone," asked a shaken NBC employee requesting anonymity, "why couldn't it have been Jay Leno."
Celebrity Apprentice is now on hiatus and will remain so at least until network executives are able to explain to the celebrity contestants the meaning of the word hiatus.