In a frantic effort to convert the American population before the rescheduled apocalypse Congressional Chairman of Finance, Barney Frank, announced his 'Leave no Child's Behind' education initiative.
"Now that I have crammed my deficit will down America's throat it is time to let children know the facts of life." Mr. Frankfurter, as he is known in D.C., announced.
"This measure will assure that each school boy knows that heterosexuality is an inherent sin and that engaging in sex with a female, especially a cougar, is just un-American. I am outraged at the recent opinion polls that declare that butt budding was really just a fad and I refuse not to roll over on this or any other issue.
"My initiative is to educate the boys to the fact that sex with another boy is a life time gift they will never forget. A woman can cuff another woman, sell the video and forget it five minutes later but once a boy is stuffed he is a fag forever; thank God."
The measure met applause in the House (did we mention Frank is the chairman of the Finance Committee) and the details include a change to the age of consent for same sex to 12 years old. Also, an education program 'pedophiles need love too' will be a part of the N.E.A.'s ongoing liberal agenda effective immediately or tenure will be revoked.
When pressed about the basic nasty of the measure and how the American people will fight it Frank was, well frank.
"Cuff the people. The idiots in America still think that the world wide financial crisis was Bush's fault even though my party held majority and I was the finance chairman a year and a half before the meltdown and bailouts. My party is vote and veto proof and we can do whatever the hell we want."
Grasping for some positive news about the disgusting measure.
"I've allotted 100 billion for this campaign and can guarantee to save millions; similar to the Health Care mathematics and once implemented taxpayers will no longer have to pay my way to Thailand once a month; it's a win win!"
Close eyes and say 'it's only a satire it's only a satire'