Written by b kenneth mcgee
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Monday, 22 March 2010

In a study released today from the University of Nowhere's School Of Human Development, it appears that there are no Tea Bagger protesters in wheelchairs.

After researching hundreds of heath care protest rallies around the country, the study found not one person wheelchair bound.

"Apparently, these folks are, for the most part, physically healthy," said a spokesman. "There may be some emotional problems," he added.

"We have done an in depth study of the physical, emotional, and attitudinal differences between this segment of the society and the rest of the country. Without exception, these people are financially stable, gainfully employed, and politically just a tat to the right of Attila the Hun. We found for the most part, however, that high blood pressure runs rampant and that they are easily excitable and somewhat prone to violence. "

Most of the Baggers have children and are in the age range of 45-65 and have sex on an average of once every month or two. Ninety percent of those that would answer the sex life portion of the survey said that they never engaged in sex other than the missionary position and thought oral sex was kissing. Those that wouldn't answer this portion of the survey said that sex was disgusting and were closely following every detail of the Tiger Woods scandal.

Timothy Terwilger, spokesman for the study also reported on the racial attitudes of those surveyed. "For the most part, the survey group claimed not to be racists, but had a deep and unwavering hate for black people, Latinos, Asians, Muslims, Native Americans, gay people, Catholics and graduates of Harvard University. 100% said they were patriotic Americans, attended church weekly, and taught their children respect for others."

"There are no atheists in foxholes," said T. J. McCorkle, a spokesman for the Tea Baggers and one of those interviewed. "Yes, and there ain't no Tea Baggers in wheelchairs neither. We know how to take care of ourselves and not be a burden to good hard working Americans.

In a question directed at those that attended the T-Bagger convention in Nashville, participants were asked what they liked the most about the convention. 80% replied that the Make Fun Of A Cripple Day and The Giant Midget Toss were their favorites. 70% said that seeing all of their cousins was the high mark for them.

T.J. McCorkle said of the convention highlights, "Ain't no question about it. It was the Make Fun of a Cripple Day and the Giant Midget Toss. You should of seen the looks on the faces of them little fellas, like they thought they was gonna die! It don't get no better than that!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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