Washington DC-- House-Speaker Nancy Pelosi wants to sooth everyone's frayed nerves and get people to think of something else besides health care. Ms. Pelosi will have Congress look into the UFO phenomenon, and decide once and for all if UFOs are real. She will then report the results directly to the American people herself. The cost of the investigation will be high, about $1 trillion.
"Let's just all chill, folks--ok?" Said Ms. Pelosi. "Let's just have a little fun, and think about UFO's for awhile, ok?" She droned.
Ms. Pelosi then went on the Internet inside her office. She spent five minutes of her valuable time looking at a few UFO websites. She pondered the information for a second, and then came to a conclusion: UFOs aren't real. She quickly called a press conference to give her findings.
Nancy looked directly into the camera with her gigantic, cow-like brown eyes. Her skeletal face with the strange, straw-like hair filled the television screen.
"I am in Congress, and I looked into the UFO phenomenon, and I have decided WFOs aren't real." she said. She held out a shaky, bony hand, and said "That will be $1 trillion dollars, please."
Taxes on everything went up 100% immediately, along with a big pay increase for Congress.
"You have the best Congress money can buy!" chortled Ms. Pelosi. "You have the Congress you deserve." she cackled some more.