WASHINGTON - From now on, all American workers will be paid in gum. The move to a gum-based economy will totally revolutionize employer/employee relations, result in MUCH fresher breath, and result in FAR fewer cavities.
Department of Labor officials have told the Spoof, "We are not worried about the tidal wave of disgruntled workers this will create. In time, they will see that this is the right thing to do."
When asked why he will not permit the "Pay 'em in Gum" bill to be discussed in the House of Representatives, President Barrack Obama said, "Because I'm the President." He then had several Republican senators tortured to death.
"After all," said Obama, "It's not like we're not offering choices. Workers can choose between Mint, Tooty Fruity, and new Cinnamon Rape the Constitution Flavor!"
American broadcast networks are expected to sacrifice their first born children later today in celebration and praise of the Obamagod's "Pay 'Em In Gun" bill.