Written by Robert Walters
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Topics: doll

Wednesday, 17 March 2010

The proud folks that have brought the world such doll world stalwarts as Jihad Barbie, Suicide Ken and the Cabbage Patch Terrorists announced from their headquarters in El Segundo California the roll out of a new product which its board of directors hope will erase any memory of the "toxic paint from China" scandal of 2007.

Joseph Fabeets, director of public relations for the embattled company spoke to reporters today and said the product promises to be as big a hit as "Tickle Me Elmo" if not bigger. "We are extremely proud of its signing of Mr. Massa to model the product as soon as any er, uh loose ends in the U.S. House of Representatives can be er, uh tied up. In a nice way I mean."

For those with the memory God gave gravel or who have been residing on the nonplanet Pluto for the last month, Eric Massa is the democratic representative from western New York embroiled in a scandal with massive homosexual overtones involving staff members.

Massa, inked a deal, potentially worth millions of dollars, to be the model and spokesman for line of products anchored by a foot high anatomically correct doll which when tickled in various parts of its anatomy automatically says things like "I should be frackin' you", "How about one more for my 50th" "Let me know if you need any help with that" and "that's not a Nathan's Famous you've got hold of there".

Mr. Fabeets told the media he expects a March release date and as an incentive promises the first 1000 buyers of the new doll a "free, authentic, autographed model of the Massa Snorkel set." He declined to say whether batteries would be included or not.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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