History was re made in Washington today as President Creamer awarded the Chinese the contract for construction of the most important civil engineering project in over 150 years. Our new brothers to the east presented a bid that America could not resist. Not only was the bid the lowest of all contenders, part of the genius was that only American labor would be used and terms included the erasure of all our China debt.
"This is an extraordinary event and will bring the two halves of the country together." Madam Creamer smiled while introducing the Chinese Prime Minister, Gat Cha Nou, to a thrilled joint session of Congress. "We will not only put Americans back to work but will become free of the devastating national debt so that we can jack it back up again."
Details are just now emerging with the most prominent being that America will become an informal province of China and change its name to honor the contractor in charge of the coast to coast project; Myho Engineering Development and Revenge. The Chinese premier approached the dais and addressed the joint session with a great grin and outstretched arms.
"Today is a great day because it is official; American is officially Myho".
In addition to the erasure of debt the President announced there would be no need for eminent domain seizures since she would simply assign all foreclosed property to the project due to the fact that the lenders had no cuffing idea who held the mortgages. The map presented detailed the specific zones of the project using red, green, blue, yellow, black and white marbles and interconnected in the shape of a six point star. Compensation to China included sale of all items for the project to be purchased from China including food, tents and equipment. When questioned about this the President quipped; "where they hell do you think this crap comes from now?" Canvas, rice and gruel futures skyrocketed in trading at the announcement. She also commented that the new alliance should guarantee her the Noble Piece prize.
Other details include:
- Every American currently on unemployment compensation will report to the regional work camp nearest your location.[/il]
- Only Chinese nationals are permitted to be foremen for the project.[/il]
- Modern excavation equipment is forbidden but each worker will be supplied with picks and shovels made of inferior steel and to be purchased from China.[/il]
- Workers will be paid $2.00 per hour up to forty hours and receive receding half pay based on the amount of hours over forty; the new wage scale will be known as Myho overtime.[/il]
- Workers will be transported in six door trucks built in China and at each check point will be required to stop, exit the truck, race around the vehicle then return to the original seat. This will be known as the Myho fire drill.[/il]
- Each worker will be required to wear the appropriate uniform. This consists of an O.S.H.A. approved coolie hat, smock, and Chinese woven sandals.[/il]
President Creamer arrived to her press conference wearing the new fashion. Emblazoned in bright red Chinese characters on the front of the coolie hat was stated 'Myho'. This intrepid reporter, having avoided statements about being railroaded, was able to read the other characters on the back of the hat: 'Paybacks are hell'
Ti Cuff newswire