MEXICO (Like it matters what part) - President Obama has apologized to the Mexican Government and to criminals throughout Mexico for the murder of U.S. Citizens by a Mexican drug gang.
A Mexican drug gang gunned down two cars carrying families with ties to the U.S. consulate on Saturday, killing an American couple and a Mexican man in the country's deadliest city.
Three young children survived the shoot-out in Ciudad Juarez, including the couple's baby, who was found crying in the backseat of their vehicle.
The pair were identified as consular employee Lesley A. Enriquez, 35, and her husband, Arthur H. Redelfs, 34. Redelfs was a detention officer at the El Paso County Jail. The third person killed was identified as the husband of a Mexican employee of the consulate.
President Barak "God I Hate Americans" Obama immediately apologized to the Mexican Government and to Drug Gangs everywhere for the incident. "On behalf of everyone who agrees with my brain-damaged ass," said the U.S. President, "I would like to apologize to Mexicans and gangsters everywhere for the presence of U.S. Citizens in the direct path of glorious Mexican bullets as they ripped through the clean, crisp Mexican air minding their own business."
"He really is like Jesus," said Obama's Press Secretary Robert "I'm His Bitch" Gibbs. "Everything he says is the unadulterated, transcendental Truth. I drink wine from the crack of his ass and so should you!"
President Obama, soon to be declared Messiah For Life by his minions, has blamed the murder of U.S. Citizens by Mexican drug dealers on the Bush Administration. "Whitey, er, I mean, the Bush Administray-shun," said President Obamagod, "done be evil and dey done dood it be-tause dey be white."
Obama is expected to travel to Russia next week in order to apologize for the existence of Idaho. He will then smoke crack and send another retard in a suit to Israel. Nancy Pelosi is expected to be on hand to ensure the proper sacrifice of children is offered to her god.