Written by Nae mair crap
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this
Topics: Susan Boyle

Saturday, 13 March 2010

image for Susan Boyle's face appears in birthday gift - it's a real miracle fans cry
follow the red light to the suboshrine

A small town in the USA has been overwhelmed by middle aged ladies following the revelation on a fan site that their idol's face had appeared in a 1000 page birthday card destined for Miss Boyle's Scottish home.

Subo fanatics are travelling from all corners of the USA, by any means possible to view the susapparition in a small town in the bible belt. The town cannot now by named for fear of riots amid huge crowds queueing to view the face in the card.

Stores and services in the town are unable to cope with the influx of thousands of women in a trance like state mumbling "thank you, thank you we are so blessed thank you.

These ladies queue for hours on end in the sweltering weather, refusing to remove their trademark red scarves and drink litres of "Bottled in susatown" water at $25 a bottle, sold by two enterprising and bloody greedy ladies from a table with a homemade red plastic tablecloth.

They watch in rapture as big screens play Susan Boyle videos on repeat and mouth every word of every song.

As they near the shrine (old horse dung store) they take up the mantra "weewifieishere" and repeat their incantation "thank you thank you" over and over.

The shrine is lit by susacandles in the shape of their idol and costing a knock down $5 eac. "$25 was too much really", smiled a get rich quick piss artist.

Despite the rank odour of the horse dung permeating the store, the fanatics bless themselves and pour out their praise and delight as they view the apparition. They are quickly moved through, as many of their fellow fanatics are unable to control their motor functions and twitch uncontrollably. Others continue to pass through and behave like raving loonies.

Locals look on incredulously at the spectacle, often having to restrain the fanatics from throwing themselves in the towns ancient horse troughs to cleanse out the evil.

However, the fanatics excitement reached new highs when they saw the myriad of stalls, all with red plastic tableclothes and selling any amount of tacky souvenirs to the gullible.

Make Nae mair crap's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 5 multiplied by 1?

2 22 13 5

Go to top