Obama was severely burned during a rally at Arcadia University after spontaneously combusting while "getting fired up" about Health Care reform.
The President is resting comfortably at Bethesda Medical Center, heavily sedated and a bit confused, but still stuck in the "campaign mode", according to doctors. "We've been trying to unstick that toggle switch all morning, but he still thinks he's selling AMWAY."
According to witnesses, the President initially took off his coat because according to him, it was, "getting hot in here"; he then announced he was "getting fired up" mere seconds before his clothes exploded into a fireball and he screamed to Secret Service personnel, "Put me out, put me out!"
Political analysts suggest the entire incident was just a stunt to draw attention to the plight of millions of American's without health care. Others think it was a pyrotechnic display gone horribly awry. Insiders attempted to blame the special effects snafu on Vice-President Biden, who responded angrily, "Screw that! I was in Israel putting out that fire, thank you very much!"
Health Care Reform supporters in the audience remain cynical: "If he'd moved as quickly on Health Care reform last summer as he was running around the stage on fire, we'd all be covered by now," said one spectator. Granted, last summer the message was, "Health reform is not a luxury that can be postponed, but a necessity that cannot wait", with a super-majority waiting in the wings. However, after the loss of Kennedy's Senate seat, the pace slowed down faster than people lining up to see Tracy Morgan in Cop Out.
"What does it take to get health care reform in this country? Zombies in the streets?" asked one exasperated Obama supporter. Democratic strategist and former Obama campaign manager David Plouffe tried to explain the situation at a hastily assembled press conference, with Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi translating for the thinking impaired. "We've got to come off strong in November people," said Plouffe as Pelosi translated, "Whoa! We've got to protect our fuddy-duddy jobs!" On the screen behind them, a visual reminiscent of the mini-series, "V", showed Pelosi looking down from a huge spaceship hovering over Washington and saying the words, "Pause" and "Reflect" in slow motion.
With Obama bursting into flames, health care reform stuck in neutral and Rahm Emanuel slapping Congressman Massa around like a prison bitch, republicans are comparing the democrats to The Keystone Cops. "Watching this is almost better than being the majority party," said Senator Jim Bunning of Kentucky, munching on a bag of popcorn. "At least I don't have to miss it like I did the Kentucky-South Carolina game," he said before rambling on.
While issues such as public option, pre-existing conditions and other key pieces of the initial reform bill continue to fall off the busted bandwagon, others are comparing the plight of the democrats to the Blues Brothers. "What we have is President Obama standing behind political chicken wire and singing The Theme from Rawhide...over and over again, all night long," said one political observer. But, junior Senator Al Franken begged to differ. "At least in the Blues Brothers, the car waited until they got to their destination before it completely fell apart."