Written by Morse
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Tuesday, 9 March 2010

image for Government Caulking Program Goes Awry: Installers Paid to Pump up Women to 'Look Like Kim Kardashian!
Too Much of a Good Thing? Obama Caulking Program Gets Involved in Huge "Ass Mess!"

Health officials in Newark, NJ were aghast today after reports from area hospitals confirmed at least six (6) women were suffering serious infections in their derrieres after being 'pumped up' by moonlighting government caulkers paid to 'cut drafts and promote energy efficiency, but moonlighting as cosmetic surgeons.

Interviewed separately, the women, all from the Dominican Republic, said they wanted to look more like Kim Kardashian and Michelle Obama in the booty department, and felt comfortable having the enhancement treatments done since the 'Booty Doctors' were all employed under a government program backed by Obama.

Hospital labs have confirmed the injections have led to dangerous infections, and have left the women with 'moonscapes' for asses; all lumps and craters.

Samples extracted and analyzed confirm the presence of silicone, petroleum jelly and 'hardware grade' caulking traced to Obama's stimulus package which costs American Taxpayers an average of $57,000 per home to seal up door and window drafts exposed in an earlier Spoof expose.

A spokesman for the ACLU says his agency will be going after the Obama Administration for serious damage claims including the usual 'pain & suffering', but will also go for unspecified damages for 'loss of self esteem, ass droop, lumpy buns and diminished capital assets in the booty market."

The FDA is also getting in the act saying the Caulk, imported from China, was not tested and approved by that agency, and the Caulking Surgeons also used non approved and non sterilized caulking guns.

A senior UK barrister was heard to Mutter after viewing the pictures of the victims derrieres, " What a F*****g Ass Mess!"

Attorney General Eric Holder is said to be considering whether to hear the case in US Federal Court, or to move it directly to the Chinese Patent Office in Beijing for an immediate hearing.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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