Written by Chuck Terzella
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Saturday, 4 December 2004

image for UN Ambassador Resigns: No One Will Play With Him
"Mr. President, No One Likes You."

The United States Ambassador to the United Nations has tendered his resignation to the Bush Administration after only six months on the job. John Danforth, a former Senator from Missouri and once thought to be in line for the post of Secretary of State, cited the desire to spend more time with his family as his reason for departing the post. However, as Mr. Danforth has also recently stated his intentions to depart on a yearlong Yak hunting trip to Upper Mongolia, some of the more cynical Washington insiders have postulated that there may be other reasons for his departure.

When he first accepted the post Ambassador Danforth reportedly told President Bush, "The book on you is that you go it alone and don't much believe in the UN." Those same reports suggest that Mr. Bush assured Mr. Danforth at that time that he wanted to build a stronger relationship with the United Nations to help fight the War on Terrorism and improve ties with France. Apparently the fact that President Bush had a sense of humor and could say that with a straight face is what convinced Mr. Danforth, a man who always enjoyed a good joke, to take the job.

But Mr. Danforth's term has been somewhat less than fun filled. A close friend of his has said that, " Poor John has had a hard time at the UN. None of the other members will talk to him in the halls, and several times he's been crowded and pushed on the stairs, sending his Top Secret papers flying all over the floor. In the UN cafeteria they've ostracized him and once or twice have taped signs on his back saying things like ‘I work for a Hitler wannabe' and ‘My Boss can't even spell UN'. Ambassadors can be so cruel sometimes."

Unnamed White House Source Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, "We in the White House are gonna miss John. He came to the job full of hope that he could really do some good. He was sure that the United States could once again become a respected leader in global affairs and that relationships with our ‘Allies' in Old Europe could be mended. What a misguided dope."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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