Written by Fuzzy Duffy
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Topics: Economy, Holocaust

Sunday, 7 March 2010

image for California Professors Compare 4% Pay Cut to Holocaust

Berkley, CA (BNSE): California college professors and students took to the streets again today to protest Governor Schwarzenegger's stark austerity plans to bring the deficit burdened California state budget back in line.

Chief among their complaints are designated cut backs in the state's higher education budget, including reductions in the number of courses offered, tuition increases, and a 4% pay cut for teaching professors.

Outraged professors compared the pay cut to World War II Nazi Holocaust of 6 million Jews, the Rape of Nan-king, and the burning of the Library at Alexandria, among other historical tragedies.

"There are no words to express the the loss to civilization this action incurs," said one unidentified professor.

"You would have thought we learned after the bloodshed of the last century, but we have not. Six million Jews dead just 60 short years ago... Six million dollars cut from my department alone. the similarities are staggering."

Other educators expressed feelings of betrayal, "There is a sacred trust between the California legislature and her state's academia. They create the intrusive, over priced, unrealistic social programs, and we create the study to justify its existence. They get their 'numerous studies' to justify pandering to whatever special interest is giving them the biggest kickback, and we get shielded from the consequences of our actions. That's the way it's supposed to work. All you have to do is look at global warming. We've upheld our end of the bargain, it is time our leaders do the same."

Others expressed fears the pay cuts would adversely affect their ongoing, vital, research, "See this photo I made of a crucifix stuck into a pile of dog feces? It's in black and white. Can you tell me where else innovative research like this is being conducted? Can you tell me how I am expected to continue redefining the cutting edge in the Hospitality and Tourism field without a steady stream of grants? At this rate, I am actually going to have to do some work of my own instead of just plagiarizing my students."

Several university administrators questioned whether the legislature jumped the gun in cutting higher education before other less vital areas were trimmed from the budget.

"You can't tell me all those unemployed families out there need all that cash," said one campus vice president. "I mean how much does a cardboard box cost? We need to just go up to them and say, 'Alright folks, move along, it's not like you've got a Ph.D and are important in anyway,' and rake in the savings. And, all this money spent on childrens' health care? Just about every kid I see is coated in snot up to their elbows anyway, so what difference does it make? If you ask me, a little less heath care for these useless eaters is long over due. Just too damn many of them. We could use a good thinning out."

Concerned students joined their professors as part of the protest, many expressing worries the increased cost of higher education would deny many the benefits of post secondary education.

"There is a certain elevation of the person and spirit that comes from advancing yourself in education," said one student. "New ideas, new paradigms, new vistas on life. It changes the person in a way that helps them see the world in a new ways that will benefit them their whole lives, regardless of their income or social status. Education creates a higher human. More civilized, more rational, a person who deliberately creates and adds to society rather than just existing within it. These terrible cuts will deny many the chance to advance their lives and see the world beyond their own narrow selfish interests. That is why I am smashing out the windshields of these parked cars and pissing on their dashboards."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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