Written by susan allen-rosario
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Topics: Christmas, Military

Thursday, 2 December 2004

image for Order Your Freeze-dried Refugee In Time for Christmas
Order Your Freeze-dried Refugee Before Christmas!

Plastico Inc. in partnership with The Iraqi Refugee Association, have come up with a plan to combine their resources and ingenuity to solve the problem of Iraqi refugees, currently being protected, housed and fed by the U.S. military.

"We have found a way to freeze-dry and shrink-wrap these refugees for bulk storage and transport to other countries, including the U.S. They will be available for purchase and shipment this Christmas season. They can be reconstituted by inserting a garden hose in their mouths to rehydrate them and then placing them in the sun for 30 minutes. They can then be used for domestic help, food service and landscaping work. These refugees are so eager to get out of their country and be put to work, they will do almost anything."

A spokesperson for Plastico Inc. told reporters that he has personally sent three Iraqi refugees to friends and relatives in the states.

"I was going to send them a nice fruit basket or something, but this was a gift I could give that would keep on giving. Not only am I helping an Iraqi refugee, but also I am providing a wonderful gift for Christmas. What could be more American?" He also said that each Iraqi comes with a free American flag, for outdoor display.

The base price, not including shipping and handling is as follows, (price based on current values associated with Iraqi culture.)

Male Adult - $500.00
Male Child - $475.00
Female Adult - $125.00
Female Child - $50.00
(Please note that females do not come with a free flag.)

The people we interviewed that have purchased the refugees; say they couldn't be happier with their investment.

"The young man I purchased, doesn't talk much, but he does everything I've asked without complaining. He is very good with electronics and even knew how to blow-up an old stump I wanted removed from my yard. He makes one hell-of-a pipe bomb!" One satisfied customer told us.

"He sings while he works, so I think he's happy here," another buyer told us. "We call him our ‘slap happy Iraqi.' He's just wonderful. We taught him to play baseball, and he just loves apple pie."

"Our girl made us, what she calls ‘flaming lamb surprise.' It was to die for, in fact, I think it killed my husband!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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