The Republican leadership in a joint health care press conference today, announced their plans for a total health care system overhaul.
Congressman John Boehner, of Ohio, stood in front of a draped chalk board and with a flourish, took off the cover.
On the chalk board was written: "An Apple a Day Keeps the Doctor Away" There it is," said Boehner. "It doesn't take three thousand pages and eight hundred million dollars!"
After Boehner finished, Republican Senators and Congressmen came forward with their own addendums to the bill. One by one, they spoke:
Eric Cantor: "The trouble with always trying to preserve the health of the body is that it is so difficult to do without destroying the health of the mind"
Senator Mitch McConnell: "Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing."
Senator Jim Bunning: "Joy and Temperance and Repose Slam the door on the doctor's nose."
Joe Wilson: "If I had my way I'd make health catching instead of disease."
One by one thirty-five Senators and Congressmen got up and spoke a few lines as addendums to the health care bill.
As the legislators filed out of the meeting, an enterprising reporter stopped Senator Bunning. "Senator, I have a question."
"What," Bunning replied angrily.
The reporter replied,"Every addendum that you and your colleagues made is plagiarized! I googled everything that each of you proposed and everything you said one came up in a search for: Old Health Sayings. I have the people who actually said these things. Do you want to see them? Isn't this a bit disingenuous?"
Bunning's face grew red as he pushed past the reporter. "Google this!" said Bunning and gave the reporter the finger.
The reporter, ever still industrious and inquisitive, googled: Senator Jim Bunning gives the finger. His eyes grew wide and he said, "Bingo."
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In other news, an unknown Republican Senator has put a hold on legislation that continues subsidies for the apple orchard industry and has been in existence for four decades. Thousands of orchard workers have been laid off and an entire spring crop is rotting on the tress.