Written by Mike Miedema
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Thursday, 18 November 2004

image for Kerry in Geometric Center of Republican's Way
John Kerry, clearly in the Republican's way.

Since the overwhelming Republican Victory in this past election, Republican Senators are finding a firm resistance exhibited by John Kerry and his fellow Democrats. What the Republicans had thought would be smooth, unilateral sailing, has actually been quite the opposite. It is becoming more and more apparent with each growing session -John Kerry is standing in the geometric center of the Republicans' way.

John Kerry is even going out of his way to counteract his counterparts. Quips Republican Senator Orrin Hatch, "I come in to work today and wouldn't you know it, that loser Kerry is parked in my parking space, the same space I've owned since the inception of the No Child Left Behind Act."

Hatch downplayed it by mocking Kerry incessantly throughout the day, "Yeah, really park in my space there Kerry, really take up the whole space too, and don't be polite about it either, don't offer a written or formal apology on the matter, but instead focus your efforts on parking your 2004 Land Rover in the geometric center of my parking space, and don't go out of your way to measure each tire distance from the yellow line to comply with the Department of Transportation standards, I don't want the senior Democrats to be overworked, God forbid."

"That guys' been off his rocker since the deregulation era of the late 70's; he's a Kook, and he smells like armpit," retorted Kerry.

Kerry isn't limiting his resistance to the Senate Parking Lot either, hence extending his antics to the Senate floor.

When the morning Coffee Vote was put on the docket today, Kerry led a surprising stark opposition to the customary free Government coffee. He rallied 42 other Democrats to decline the passing of the free coffee, a stint that hasn't been seen since the second Clinton Administration, coincidentally pulled off by a filibuster led by Orrin Hatch.

Hatch wasn't surprised by the Coffee veto, "he's taking a stand based solely on principle, and coffee. I can respect that, in fact I even expected it."

Kerry and his boys enjoyed some good natured laughs as they watched the 55 Republicans bolt out the door and head to the Mobil Station for coffee at $1.19 a cup.

After poking fun at the Republicans for a good ten minutes, the Democrats slowly composed themselves, then walked to Mobil and bought 45 cups of coffee.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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