Written by Fuzzy Duffy
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Sunday, 28 February 2010

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Washington, DC: What began as a commemorative event honoring the new exhibition of an original copy of the United States Constitution at the new Capitol Visitors' Center, quickly escalated to an impromptu ruling by the Supreme Court that the Constitution was, in fact, unconstitutional, after several Justices actually read the text of the document.

"What the hell! I haven't heard of half this crap in my life," exclaimed Chief Justice, John Roberts. "Who wrote all this junk? I mean what's this have to do with anything? Hard to run a country with a bunch of stupid rules like that."

After briefly reading the document, Chief Justice Roberts assembled the other Justices, who, after a brief discussion, agreed with Roberts that the Constitution itself was unconstitutional in a 9-0 vote.

"Why'd they have to make it some long," asked Justice John Paul Stevens. "I didn't get half way through it and it felt like my head was going to explode. Did they actually expect us to use this thing for something? Maybe I would have voted differently if there where some cliff notes. But, damn, there must be like a billion rules in there. According to that thing, everything we do is unconstitutional. Way too counter-productive. We are better off without it."

"Boring!" opined Justice Antonin Scalia. "Talk about a parchment sleeping pill. I'd suggest to the White House they make all those prisoners down in Gitmo read the thing to get them talking. But, they'd probably say it was torture."

"'We the People,' who the hell are they?" asked Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg. "I mean, seriously, no listed credentials, no documented acedemic writings, no case history. Just who are these 'People' and why should we listen to them? I wasn't asked about any of this and I'm one of the "People." This could have been written by bunch of psychopaths for all we know. I checked, and of all the alleged 'People' who singed the document, not one of them has an ABA rating. Are we just going to let a bunch of regular people run around and tell us how the government is supposed to operate? What's next? A junk of hillbillies decides the government is supposed to actually help the general public, and this Constitution thingy says they're right, and then we have to do it? Crazy."

"These morons couldn't even spell," laughed Justice Sonia Sotomayor. "Look at this. It's like they don't know the difference between an 's' and an 'f'. "Congrefs?' That's no even a word! I've seen better legal insights written on toilet paper with a crayon. Hey, can I borrow the last page? I have to take a poop."

Justice Clarence Thomas could not be reached for comment, as he was running about the Visitors' Center shouting, "Hey! Look at me! I'm out here in left field, just like the guys who wrote the Constitution. Look out, here it comes."

When asked about any impact the overturning of the United States Constitution would have on the Bill of Rights, Chief Justice Roberts said, "There's more of this stuff? Holy cow, man. I've already wasted half my day reading this thing, and now you tell me there's more? Looks like there's no Judge Judy today for us."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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