Washington, DC (AP) - The screams of a thousand minds cracking at once into depths of madness unimaginable within this universe were heard on the streets of the US Capitol as former Vice President Dick Cheney inadvertently lowered his human shell, revealing the timeless horror of his true form to a gathering of supporters there to rally for the increased use of torture in interrogations of jaywalkers.
None of the witnesses to the event are now capable of anything more than whispered pleas to dark entities and tormented screams for mercy, but the prevailing theme seemed to be summed up adequately by the words, "The horror...the horror!"
"These people are a bunch of drama queens," said Cheney aide Aiden Frisk, a self-described acolyte of the seventh mystery cult of Gozer who was present at the event. "I have witnessed the dark majesty of Lord Cheney on numerous occasions and I remain at least five percent human." Frisk was interrupted on several occasions by the slimy black tentacles attempting to wriggle forth from beneath his collar as he spoke.
Mr. Cheney disappeared to an undisclosed location after revealing himself as he truly is, leaving behind only a ten-foot diameter pit of coalesced darkness which has ruthlessly consumed any foolish enough to approach within 20 yards, wrapping them in tentacles of pure chaos and pulling them into a void dimension of distilled madness and evil.
In a bipartisan move, President Obama moved forward with plans to consecrate the site to the dark gods of the ancient world and to feed one virgin daily to the vortex of darkness now inhabiting the nation's capitol. Standing 25 yards away from the pit, he said, "This monument to the power of our dark overlords will forever show our commitment as a government to spreading freedom, democracy, and the blood of the innocent across the entire globe."