Written by queen mudder
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Friday, 12 November 2004

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Washington DC, Friday (Rioters) - President George W Bush and his canine sibling Tony Blair were locked in frantic secret discussions at the Oval Office today following the leaking of news that the US has forfeited ownership of its London ambassadorial residence Winfield House. The move comes after a series of lawsuits against the previous incumbent, ex-Ambassador William Stamps Farish III, who was unceremoniously ousted from the UK last July for harassing his neighbours in Regents Park, befouling the local Residents' Association with a smear campaign against some of its most famous members and poisoning the fish in the Boating Lake with weapons grade anthrax left over from an Official Banquet for John Kerry supporters belonging to the local branch of Democrats Abroad.

Never before in the hisory of US-UK relations have things looked so bleary in the diplomatic accommodation department as Blair and Bush seek ways to break the news to the media that temporary lodgings may have to be rented from executors of the later Robert Maxwell's estate. A two bed former show home in East London's Isle of Dogs is the current frontrunner given a painfuly low relocation budget imposed on the Bush administration by the cash-strapped Pentagon which has spent all the money allocated for diplomatic expenditure on dredging the Boating Lake and decontamination of toxic venom left by Ambassador Farish's wife Sarah.

Sources close to Blair said this morning that, as a stop gap, the next Ambassador would be welcome to stay in special secure accommodation normally reserved for Belmarsh Jail's Rule 43 inmates at the Tower of London, or at the Ronald Reagan Memorial Suite in South London's Maudsley Hospital for Psychosomatic Diseases. This would be based on the assumtion that either the Reverend Pat Robertson or the President's brother Neil Bush would be chosen as the next US Ambassador to the Court of St James's.

"There's only a few days left before the news becomes official", said a nervous White House source, referring to the growing anxiety among the US Diplomatic Corps that their former supremo Farish is to feature in a UK TV This Is Your Life spectacular which will oust his blunders and name him as the first American envoy to get caught red-handed by Royal Parks Police investigating links between the Sicilian Mafia, yellowcake uranium smuggling and financial supporters of the International Kabbalah Movement.

Blair is expected to make a full statement on the matter on his return to the UK tomorrow but must await developments arising from sending his official Envoy to the Middle East, Lord Levy, to Yasser Arafat's funeral in Cairo today.

Cherry Bush is said to be hopping mad.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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