Written by ej moore
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Topics: Washington, software

Monday, 8 November 2004

image for President Bush announces new Fallujah war game "Fallujahstein"
Look for Fallujahstein at a Wal-Mart near you.

WASHINGTON - The new Washington, D.C. gaming website, WhiteHouseWarGames.gov, today announced the release of their first software war adventure, Fallujahstein, a multi-player online action shoot-'em-up game, and the first of many titles available from WhiteHouseWarGames.gov.

WhiteHouseWarGames.gov, an Internet gaming website formed by President George Bush, Donald Rumsfeld, and Dick Cheney, was created in 2002 when they "saw the need to bring more reality games to the general public," according to Donald Rumsfeld. Rumsfeld added that WhiteHouseWarGames.gov promises that Fallujahstein is "only the first in a wave of exciting new war adventures to be released in the coming months."

Fallujahstein, with its excellent graphics and keen virtual representation of actual war, is based on the battle of Fallujah, and offers an online multi-player feature that can accommodate an infinite number of gamers. Gaming critics and beta testers hail Fallujahstein as "the most authentic war game available for civilian enjoyment" and "a real boon to game technology because it offers so many unique 3D gaming options."

Some of the many features of Fallujahstein include a gamer's choice of level difficulty depending on choice of Fallujah troop type. They are: EASY - Full-time military; MEDIUM - National Guard; HARD - Future Draftees; and IMPOSSIBLE - Iraqi forces. Also, Fallujah troop type includes a wide variety of interrogation choices for captured enemies such as water torture, partial flaying, electric shock, and beheading, and it also provides special wild card torture options under the heading "Abu Ghraib." President Bush said the latter resulted from both actual practices at "the real Abu Ghraib," and "yet-to-be implemented prisoner humiliation and torture suggestions sent to the White House from soldiers assigned to Abu Ghraib."

"Our troops are a creative bunch," said Bush, "and their torture and prisoner humiliation contributions are a true example of how talented they are as American freedom fighters."

Although Fallujahstein is expected to break current sales records in the war games category, WhiteHouseWarGames.gov is ready with other Iraq war and action titles currently being tweaked for release including Operation Christian Freedom, Operation Enduring War, and Liberty and Justice for All Christians, the latter being an apocryphal adventure game designed by President Bush exclusively for the enjoyment of American evangelicals.

Although WhiteHouseWarGames.gov is off to a solid start in the gaming industry, 2005 may prove its most profitable year in sales. Games still in development include SIMS:The Draft (to be released in early 2005) and SIMS:Rebuild Iraq (to be released in late 2006). Critics favored with a sneak peak of the former title agree that its sales may well exceed those of all 2004 WhiteHouseWarGames.gov titles combined.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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