Written by Richard White
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Monday, 22 February 2010

image for Afghanistan adopts Pink Ouija Board as "Ultimate Psyops Weapon"
Head of the Taliban seen fleeing to Israel

Afghan officials say outnumbered Taliban fighters are mounting a tougher fight than expected in Marjah, even though they supplied pink ouija boards to suspected Taliban family members

One Afghan source who is not authorized to talk to the media or any woman says "It had been used by the United States CIA Intelligence service for quite some time in Iraq" and according to one source "drove Al Qaida crazy" The English version of scrabble was also tried but with limited success because of the language differences in the region. One report says the Afghan army had great success in confusing the Taliban.

The unnamed source who is Afghan President Karzai's second cousin says the Taliban should bounce off the wall when they see "PINK" Ouija boards being played by their children.

Reports from the area already indicate as much as 80% of the resistance movement within the Taliban has already fled to Israel after seeing pink.

There's a spiritual reality to it according to the maker's secret design teams captain. He says "this color pink has driven the Taliban right out of Afghanistan," The design team leader says. "Can you just see the daughters of the Taliban sitting in their huts playing on that pink board"? It will drive their Taliban fathers into a frenzied state of confusion."

According to an unofficial source close to President Obama's cabinet, "once the Taliban reached that higher state of confusion" was the perfect time for the Military to launch their activities in Afghanistan.

The children's sleepover staple since 1967 now comes in hot pink. The edition released two years ago gets tweens to call on "spirits" to spell out answers to life's pressing questions.

It's designed for young girls ages 8 and older, to ask the spirit world such burning questions like "is Brad Pit going to leave Angelina Jolie" . Or more profound questions that burn in the soles of many tweens, such as when they will be lucky enough to lose their virginity to their best girl friend while playing spin the bottle.

But some say the mysterious product is a "dangerous spiritual game" that opens up anyone, particularly Christians and Taliban, to attacks on their soul and spirituality. Some religious groups are concerned that it will make its way to the military and undermine the "don't ask don't tell" rule in the armed forces.

The game continues to be sold at Toys R Us locations in the U.S. and Canada for $19.99. Sales have recently sky-rocketed and sources close to the Pentagon say they tested it on Lab Rats before authorizing use on any terrorist group

One source who is not authorized to talk to the media or for that matter anyone because he lies all the time says "it has be used with great success with other secret weapons the U. S Government has supplied. He says the Taliban have been bouncing off the wall when they see "PINK"

There's a spiritual reality with the Ouija board according to officials in the Pentagon that are driving the Taliban crazy

Make Richard White's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 2 multiplied by 5?

2 10 24 9

Go to top