A Canadian Susan Boyle fanatic has had plastic surgery to look like Piers Morgan. The unnamed man, known only as 'William The Dangler', said "It was the only way I'd be in with a chance. We all know she's secretly in love with Piers Morgan. Now she can love me too!"
The fanatic also said boastfully, "Susan can examine my dangly bits whenever she wants!"
However, the fanatic's plan does have some side effects. "I must admit that looking like Piers Morgan does have some disadvantages. I've already been punched in the face five times today."
Speaking from his London mansion, Morgan said "I've never been in love with Susan Boyle, but I'd happily marry a banana if it got me some publicity!"