Written by Harry Porter
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Monday, 8 November 2004

image for Blair Basks in Bush's Glory
Tony takes a few pointers from a winner.

England's Prime Minister Tony Blair is hoping his trip to America will see some of President George W Bush's glittering election stardust falling on to him.

Having cruised his way back into the White House, the President is now in a position to share some of his enormous popularity with his faltering ally who is desperately seeking a third term in office - but any endorsement of the Downing Street regime is likely to come at a price.

And top of the agenda is likely to be the US administration's determination to kick-start the Middle East peace process through crippling sanctions on the civil population of Iran and Syria, then random, precision thermo-nuclear strikes followed by a full-scale invasion.

"Blair's kinda ridden on the President's tailcoats," said one White House insider. "He's strutted around the world stage acting like the tough guy while America's really been the one that's had to go and kick the saloon door open.

"As soon as the going gets tough for Blair back home then he starts stalling.

"There have been times when we've have to kick him so hard up the ass that he thought all Stetsons came from Boot Barn.

"Well it's payback time now - if he wants to get himself re-elected then he is really going to have stand up and be counted, just like our President."

Presidential adviser Sefton Delmer confirmed that patience had started to run thin with England's leader.

"Tony wants to have his cake and eat it too," he said. "On the one hand it's a case of ‘yes sir, no sir, I totally agree sir', then he heads back home and acts like he's some force of colonial wisdom, some all-seeing statesman.

"That's just a crock… He knows what side his bread is buttered on and we're all getting a bit sick and tired of him trying to play that ‘restrained English card' and implying that he's calming down American policy.

"There's a goddamn scrap going on and he needs to get his jacket off and stop leaving it all to us."

Blair's popularity has nosedived back in England with even members of his own Christian Fundamentalist New Labour Party believing he's flipped out the way his predecessor, Margaret Thatcher, did.

Recent polls, however, reveal that the general population of England just don't like the present level of ‘insincere grinning insincerity', a factor which has already prompted Scotland to break away from the English shires and form its own country called Edinburgh.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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