Written by Harry Porter
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Topics: New Year, Dance

Monday, 8 November 2004

image for Falluja Rotarians Cancel Annual Dance
Another shopper in Falluja

Falluja Rotary Club is furious over the imposition of emergency rule which has effectively scuppered its annual New Year dance.

"It's hard enough for businesses with the daily bombardment from our US liberators," said Rotary President Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, "but now we have 60 days of martial law and a full scale battle going on. All our plans for the annual dance have gone up in smoke, as has the hotel where it was to be held.

"Rotarians put a lot of work into organizing this event and it really is a highlight on the Falluja social calendar. There will be a lot of bitterness and anger over this."

Tickets for this year's dance, held in conjunction with Falluja Inner Wheel, have proved to be very hot property, probably due to the guest of honour, Osama Bin Laden, who was also to judge the 2004/05 Best Bhourka Competition.

Mr Bin Laden was to address Rotarians on ‘How one small video can swing an election' and give a slide show on registered charity Halliburton's sterling work in Afghanistan and Iraq, which is doing much behind the scenes to ensure as much oil as possible flows out of the Middle East and into more deserving nations.

"This is a terrible blow for Rotarians," said Mr Al-Zarqawi. "We were all looking forward to a good night out and a bit of a knees-up.

"It's hard enough to keep your business afloat in the present climate and the annual dance would have provided some light relief."

Fallujah Rotary Club has been strongly criticized by Iraq's interim government over previous outspoken comments about the liberating coalition forces.

Rotarians, through the columns of their local paper, have claimed that the constant bombardment of the city since US President George Bush announced the war had ended had severely damaged the local economy.

They say unemployment has risen to over 75 per cent with only ‘Achmed's Gun Shop' in Infidel Plaza and ‘Explosives R Us' in Condoleezza Crescent showing any significant growth in trade.

Despite the high jobless total, roofers, electricians and builders remain in much demand, as do crater landscaping services.

However, on a more positive note, the high-spirited Falluja Round Table members are pressing ahead with their sponsored grenade throw this weekend.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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