Anxious to get his anti-war show rolling, President George Bush has declared the tiny West African State of Togo as the newest member of the axis of evil that includes among others Iran, North Korea, Germany, France and the State of Massachusetts.
Giving his first keynote speech on foreign policy since his re-election, President George Bush said the decision to blacklist the tiny African state was made due to Togo withholding exports of a special type of cotton fibre used in the manufacture of female tampons in the United States. This has caused production of tampons in the United States and the world to come to a halt, as Togo is the sole producer of the fibre known as CS11.
"This is a threat against civilization', thundered president Bush on Thursday, " the regime in Togo must be aware that they are causing untold suffering to millions of women across our nation, as well as to millions of men who can't have sex with their menstruating wives'
President Bush disclosed that he too was a victim of the Tampon shortage, saying that he had been unable to ‘fully' celebrate his victory at the polls with his wife Laura.
However, Togo's ambassador to the United States protested the decision saying that the shortage was not deliberate but was caused by his government's inability to locate the owner of the only farm where the CS11 cotton strain grows, a 72-year-old woman called Hansu.
"She locked a whole month produce of CS11 in her granary (store) and left with the key. We have no idea where she is but we are certainly looking for her"
The Togolese envoy hinted that the Togo government was considering the possibility that Al-Qeida operatives may have kidnapped Hansu as a new front in the terror war but also said that the more likely scenario is that she may simply have gone on a herb gathering expedition in the jungle.
The ambassador said that the Togolese army made up 20 people and 200 mules had been mobilized to look for Hansu but said that efforts to find the old lady and her granary key were being hampered by tropical rains currently lashing the tiny country.
‘ I understand how frustrated Mr. Bush must feel, but there is nothing we can do, we just have to wait for Hansu to come back from the jungle before he can resume having sex' the envoy was quoted as saying
But Washington swiftly rejected that version of the story and stuck to its original accusation.
Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld said that the government of Togo was lying and said that the United States would shortly lead a ‘Coalition of the Willing' to liberate the oppressed people of Togo as well as restore the world's supplies of Tampons
"This will bring relief to thousands of families across the United States and especially to the First Couple' Declared Mr. Rumsfeld, ‘ Every American must see this as a sacred duty to defend our way of life and freedom"
However a pro-gay lobby group said that the crisis was a pointer that a gay lifestyle could be beneficial to America ‘If Mr. Bush was gay he wouldn't be going through this crisis, would he? A pro-gay activist was quoted as saying
Togo is located in Western Africa and has a population of exactly 56 people excluding their ambassador in Washington and Hansu who is officially listed as missing. Its inclusion in the dreaded axis of evil is sure to anger many in Congress who are concerned with the seemingly expanding list of America's enemies.
None other than Republican congressmen last week expressed concern when the Bush administration placed in the axis of evil, the entire United Nations, most of the European citizenry, The UK Guardian Newspaper, all the Blue States and Phillip Radcliff, the Texan who eloped with Bush's first love. The Republican Party however retracted their statement after Vice President Dick Cheney threatened to blacklist them too.