Joining John Kerry as a victim of President Bush's seemingly unstoppable juggernaut, the world most wanted terrorist Osama bin Laden has conceded defeat in the terror war and declared that Americans ‘had spoken' over who between him and Bush, was the better terrorist.
" I thought I could terrorize Americans but I have to admit Bush has beaten me' declared Mr. Bin Laden, " he has managed to frighten 125 million people to voting for him, that's remarkable, he is the Man!'
Mr. Laden said that keeping up with an ancient Arabic custom, he would give up his property to his victorious opponent. Part of that property is a giant cave in Tora Bora, which forms the current abode for the humiliated terror mastermind.
" I really regret giving up this cave to Bush, it has served me well over the years said Mr. Laden.
The cave is equipped with air conditioning; proximity alarms and is completely invisible from B52 bombers in the sky.
‘Am sure Mr. Bush will find some use for it, especially when his countrymen discover how much he has been lying to them' Mr. Laden was quoted as saying.
It was however not immediately clear what the notorious Saudi would get into after leaving the terrorism business. It's an open secret that dozens of multi-national companies are eager to enlist him for his legendary managerial skills.
One scout for a giant British firm we found in Kandahar said that his company was willing to pay top dollar for Bin Laden's expertise.
‘ Its one thing to manage an organization that spans dozens of countries, said the scout, ‘ but to do so from a cave and whilst dodging Bunker-busting bombs is pure genius! This man is gold!
But close confidants of bin Laden were adamant that their leader would work in some glass and steel sheath in London.
Ali Hassan, a close confidante of the Al-Qeida boss said that Bin Laden would probably return to Saudi Arabia to take over the Family construction Business.
‘ Given the buildings the sheik has demolished in the last couple of years, we reckon the construction sector will be booming' confided Hassan
Unconfirmed reports also indicated that Osama was also exploring the idea of producing movies or at least becoming a TV anchor. The reports said that Bin laden might have discovered a hidden talent in the course of producing threat videos. He was said to be angling to be come the ‘Larry King' of the Arabic television station Al-Jazeera
In other News, French president Jacques Chirac has ordered the construction of a massive steel and bronze statue that will be offered as a gift to the American president and the American people. The statue called the ‘Statue of Remorse' features a French man kissing the rear side of an American and is inscribed, "Please forgive me, please let me some of those fat Iraqi contracts" in 40 languages.
The giant statue will be set along the Potomac and in sight of newly re-elected US President Bush's Oval Office. As part of the same effort, the French government has announced that it has given the US permission to change the name of French Fries to any name they saw fit
In a statement released yesterday, the French government said that The US was free to give any name to the French fries including, Bush Fries, Baghdad Fries or the favorite Dick Fries in honor of the US vice president.
"Frankly we don't care what they call the fries, just as long as they allow us into some of the re-construction action in Iraq', said a French government spokesman.
Its was not immediately clear what their counterparts in Germany were planning to do to make up with George Bush although there was talk of giving Bush a free book on ‘How to-Fib-in-Presidential-Debates-Without-Grimacing-&-Generally-Looking-Like-An-Idiot guide book'