Written by marduk
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Topics: Politics

Thursday, 18 February 2010

First it was Rahm Emmanuel's use of the word "retard" that upset them. Now it is Fox's "The Family Guy", making fun of people with Downs Syndrome, that has gotten their goats and they are fighting back.

In an heretofore unprecedented alliance, morons across the Nation have united to form the National Organization of Retards, Eggheads, Dummies, Screwballs, Twits, And Tea baggers who Endorse Sarah.

The group, who prefers to be called by their acronym, NOREDSTATES and is lead by Cletus the slack jawed yokel of Springfield, has issued the following statement on their web-site.

"We at NOREDSTATES are proud to announce our support for Sarah Palin for President in 2012. Unlike 2008, when a loosely knit affiliation of intellectually challenged voters carried most of the Southeastern US for Palin/McCain, we are hoping to bring aboard dumbasses from everywhere to challenge the Democrats and their "Educated Voters" in the next election.

Not only can we count on the intellectually challenged southern states to join our cause, we are hoping to align ourselves with the ethically challenged state of Utah and the reality challenged states of Kansas and South Dakota."

Because Cletus has no telephone or computer, this reporter flew to Shelbyville, drove to Springfield, rode a horse to the swamp outside of town and rafted the rest of the way to Cletus's house, which is actually a collection of old port-a-potties strapped together with baling wire.

The following is a partial transcript from our interview.


ME: Hello Cletus, nice to meet you.

CLETUS: Wall welcome to our home Mista, how'd ya like the howze? Nine rooms, wit a bat-room in each room. Wese plannin on addin on win the state fair's ova and theys done usin dem utta porty potties.

ME: Uh yes, very nice but to get to the subject, what can you tell me about NOREDSTATES and how do you plan on using your group to elect Ms. Palin and instill change in the government?

CLETUS: Wese luvs Sarie Palin, she's purty. I weesh her and Glin Beck wood git hitched.

ME: But Ms. Palin is already married. To Todd.

CLETUS: She's murried to a todd? Dat's good cuz I'm a todd and Glin Beck is todded too!

ME: No, not a 'tard, her husbands name.…well never mind let's get to the next question. What does your group hope for from Ms. Palin, policy wise?

CLETUS: Wese luvs Sarie Palin, she's purty. I weesh her and Glin Beck wood git hitched.

ME: Yes, you said that already.

CLETUS: An wese hates libruls an thar fancy schmancy edycations.

ME: OK, lets move on. Your groups acronym, NOREDSTATES, implies that you don't want Republicans to win. What do you say about that?

CLETUS: Wese luvs Sarie Palin, she's purty. I weesh her and Glin Beck wood git hitched.

ME: OK, lets wrap it up then.

CLETUS: And don't ch'all fergit. Wese hates libruls an thar fancy schmancy edycations....


From just outside of Springfield, this is Blitzt Stoner reporting.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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