"okay okay, Bush won, we can work with this," exclaimed Tad Hamilton of the Democratic National Committee. Hamilton explained that the left can simply return to the 'comfortable' position they've held for the last four years. That is, while the US is not being attacked by terrorists, they will claim that money and american lives are being senslessly wasted. If, in deed, the US is attacked again they will simply claim that not enough money and man power was put into the anti-terrorist campaign.
"It's the perfect position," explained vice-president Cheney, "No matter what we do, we look like assholes and, in addition, Jon Stewert can take our quotes out of context to worsen the damage. Its pure genius."
"I'm as optimistic as Hamilton about the furture of the democratic party, but I still don't understand how we lost the election. We told Kerry to support both sides of every issue. He should have gotten a 100% of the vote! I don't understand it," commented John Edwards, "Moreover, I am more handsome then Dick Cheney whose daughter happens to be a lesbian.....she's a lesbian!....oh, sorry force of habit."
"The American people have made a terrible mistake," explained John Kerry at his concession speech this morning, "They've elected a president who sometimes stutters. This is far worse than being entirely inconsistent like myself. I was on the debate team and I also learned to speak clearly when I asked vietnamese hookers about their prices. Did I mention I fought in Vietnam?"
Meanwhile, Bush told reporters that he was happy about the victory and promised to use his first executive order next year to have Michael Moore sent back to China. "I love freedom of speech, but that guy is just a hypocritical asshole who profits off the deaths of innocent Americans. China can have him for their early experiments in space travel. Why risk the life of an innocent chimpanzee?" said President Bush, "They're endangered afterall and we've got plenty of disappointed suicidal liberals where that came from!"