In a move that took the financial industry by surprise The Wall Street Journal ls reporting that the Mafia families in the states of New York, New Jersey, Rhode Island, and Connecticut are suing the major Wall-Street banking firms for patent infringement.
In a statement issued to the paper by Vini Scalise of the Brooklyn Gambino family, Mr. Scalise said, "Des guys for years stay there on Wall Street, you know, they do their thing. We don bother them. They don bother us. Closest we get to them, we buy our suits at the same place. Now, here they come and try to take our loan sharking business away from us, you know just like dat, they think they can blow us off. Next thing, they will be into prostitution and drugs."
A reporter asked Mr. Scalise what the families intend to do about it. "Well, first we gonna meet up in Appalachian, NY, you know, for old times sake. Des guys think they are too big to fail? I can show em what's too big to fail!" The reporter followed up, "But Mr. Scalise, won't you have the federal government down on you?"
"Gimmee a break here four eyes. Our guys threaten to break a guy's legs cause he don't pay. You know, just a little talk. Along comes the fuzz, busts my guy, throws him in jail for ninety. He didn't touch the guy. Now, here comes Mr. Big Shot banker. He has his soldiers call some poor little old guy in North Carolina thirty times a day till the old geezer walks into the woods and blows his freakin brains out. What happens? Mr. Big Shot banker goes to Congress and meets with the President! Now you tell me. Is this some kind of freaking justice?"
When reporters went to Goldman Sachs to get a response to the lawsuit, the CEO reacted angrily. "We are not some kind of hoodlums here and obviously Mr. Italian person doesn't know the difference. We have no intention, at this time, to get into the business of prostitution. We have enough to do handling the Congressmen, Senators and a couple of Supreme Court Justices. We have nothing, whatsoever, in common with these people, except maybe, where we buy our suits."
In other breaking news, the banks and credit card companies announced they have raised the "vig" on loans and credit cards to 7 for 5.