Strongly Defends Record: "I'm Surrounded by Fools and Incompetence!"
Cleveland, Ohio: With his election campaign winding down and his poll numbers sliding precipitously, President George W. Bush took his case directly to tens of thousands of the party faithful late last evening.
After landing Marine One in a darkened baseball stadium, the president mounted a stage illuminated only by thousands of torches held aloft by members of the GOP Youth. Bush then mesmerized the crowd with his strong oratory. "The enemies of America are all around us…scurrying like rats in the darkness! They must be rooted out at all costs and eliminated!"
The president went on to describe his plans for the ongoing war in Iraq, "Your sons and daughters will be called upon to sacrifice everything for the Homeland. From their blood will spring new hope for a new tomorrow…a tomorrow where God-fearing Americans will be masters of all before them. No sacrifice will be too great for us to achieve our final victory. We must never forget that our crusade is just!"
Standing behind the president were members of his inner circle looking on rapturously and applauding wildly. They included Vice President Dick Cheney, Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld and his deputy Paul Wolfowitz, National Security Advisor Condoleezza Rice, and White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan.
Addressing the many setbacks the country has experienced during the seemingly endless War on Terror, the president stated, "The enemies of freedom would have you believe that I've made mistakes, but they're wrong…absolutely wrong!"
Pounding his fist on the lectern, the leader of the free world continued, "I tell you that a traitorous cabal of officers and soldiers within our own military are defeatists. Only when they are rooted out will we attain complete and total mastery of the battlefield!"
The president concluded by calling upon all in attendance to pray for the thousands already killed in the war as well as the tens of thousands of others likely to die in the years ahead!
Afterwards, while speaking to reporters, Scott McClellan remarked, "I believe it's clear to all patriotic Americans that we must stay the course laid out for us by our leader. Now is not the time to falter. Our cause is just...our mission divine."