Written by K.C. Bell
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Monday, 15 February 2010

image for Dick Cheney Going Hollywood
"I'd like to thank..."

Former Vice President Dick Cheney has signed a film deal to make the 2010 version of the Tender Mercies/The Wrestler/Crazy Heart series.

He'll portray a heavy drinking, guitar strumming, washed up politician, finding redemption in a relationship with a young and gorgeous, forty years his junior, gum snapping, wise cracking, Shakespeare quoting, bar tending, Harvard dropout, lady of the evening, morning, daytime, lunchtime, summertime, wintertime, anytime, but her living ain't easy. She is as tough as a Toyota braking system gone real bad, and when he asks for his seventh boiler-maker, she says he's had enough, and like kazam, it's love at first sight.

You buy it? Already sold.

She cleans him up, (bathtub bubble bath scene) gets him believing in himself and his cause, which is himself, and at that Rocky moment when he's about to run up the 72 steps of the Philadelphia Museum of Art and successfully take on the world, he runs into a seedy old pal from his drinking days, has another boiler-maker for the steps, and like clang, clang, clang went the trolley, he's down and out again.

Life has splinters.

A sub-plot is the relationship with his estranged daughter, (a Girl Scout leader) who happens to be selling cookies at the corner table stand when he stumbles out of the bar. Naturally, they don't recognize one another, however, the audience will see that they are the spit and image of one another right down to the granny glasses.

It could happen.

The ending remains a toss up. Not that kind. If the Cheney character ends up a slobbering drunk, commiserating to himself that he could have been a contender, (happened in On The Waterfront) it's a pretty safe bet that the sympathy vote will garner him an Academy Award. However, if he snaps to attention and makes it up the Rocky steps before the end of the film, no Academy Award, but a big future in films.

This is a to be or not to be moment for the writers, film makers, investors and Cheney people. But without question, Halliburton will get the no bid popcorn concession.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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