Search and rescue squads were dispatched to the Middle of Nowhere today to search for the Invisible Man, who has been missing since last Tuesday.
The Invisible Man, who cannot be seen because he is invisible, went missing late Tuesday night after an all-night drinking binge that apparently started during a game of strip poker that he evidently lost.
"It's not going to be easy to find this guy," said Sheriff Buford T. Pussgut. "'Cause he's f***in' invisible."
Adding to the urgency of this search is the fact that, when last not seen, the Invisible Man was blind piss-drunk. "You ever try to find a drunk, invisible man?" said Deputy Warren T. Expired. "It ain't as easy as you might think. Fer all we know the f***in' guy could be ****** passed out on the side of the road somewhere.
As if this weren't enough to make this one of the most difficult search and rescue missions in history, the Invisible Man went missing (again) in the Middle of Nowhere.
"I mean, you try it," said Fire Chief Norman Conquest, "It's like . . . he's , ya see, I mean that . . . aaaaaaaaah SCREW IT!!!!" The fire chief then turned in his hat, resigned his position, and sat in the middle of a field with a bottle of bourbon.
Search efforts were temporarily halted when a deputy stopped and asked, "Hey Sheriff, how are we gonna know we found him?" The deputy in question was immediately shot at point-blank range and buried in a shallow grave.
It has not yet been determined just how rescuers will know when they have found the missing Invisible Man. Furthermore, it was brought to light early this evening that search and rescue teams have yet to positively establish that the Invisible Man is missing in the first place.
"I mean, he IS invisible," commented Deputy Fred Knockers, who was also shot immediately.
More details on this desperate search as they fail to emerge.