Written by SirBeavis
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Friday, 12 February 2010

image for White House Links Childhood Obesity to National Security

First Lady Michelle Obama linked Child Hood Obesity to national security during a White House press event to launch her "Let's Move" campaign to end childhood obesity.

She rightly pointed out "A recent study put the health care cost of obesity-related diseases at $147 billion a year," Mrs. Obama said. She also pointed out that obesity is a leading cause of American's not being granted entrance into the US armed forces. First Lady Links Childhood Obesity To National Security.

When questioned about the thin link to national security based on obesity preventing military service during a time when the DoD has been cutting the number of the troops in the ranks, and involuntarily separating serving members to reduce manning, she replied "Hope and change, hope and change, hope and change."

In related news, Attorney General Eric Holder and Secretary of Homeland Security Janet Napolitano announced a new strategy to fight the new threat to national security presented by obesity. Effective immediately, the TSA will implement the following steps:

  • All Fat 8 through 15 year old threats to national security will be denied the right to bring Twinkies onboard all flights on US flagged carriers.
  • All Fat people will be subject to a compulsory "Random 100%" screening to assess the potential for them to chew through the fuselage in a fit of hunger bringing a plane down over Detroit on Christmas Day.
  • All Fat people determined to have the potential to chew through the fuselage will be muzzled to prevent eating and issued a copy of the Koran, and the Anarchists cookbook to prevent future terrorist attacks.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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