Written by hughster
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Topics: Politics, Microsoft

Saturday, 23 October 2004

image for Election result 'predicted' by Windows 95
George W. Bush (top left) -- did a message in Microsoft Windows 95 nine years ago predict a second term for him?

Santa Clara, California, Friday (Rooters) In a bizarre twist of politics meeting technology, a California programmer claims to have discovered a hidden political message in an operating system once distributed by Microsoft Corporation [MSFT] of Redmond, Washington.

Soo Kwan Lee, aged 34, living in Santa Clara, apparently discovered the message in a pre-release copy of Windows 95, an operating system released nearly ten years ago. "It's amazing," he told reporters. "I had loaded this operating system so that I could learn about all the mistakes to avoid in designing future Linux kernel releases. Because of the non-intuitive nature of some of the programs, I was forced to enter the help system, such as it is. While trying to make sense of this, my eyes unfocused slightly, and when I looked down the first letters of each line on the first help page, I saw that they spelled out the message "GWB WILL REIGN FOR 8 YEARS". I couldn't imagine anyone would believe this, so I did a screen capture to prove what I had seen."

Disaster
Unfortunately, as I saved the file, the system crashed with a Blue Screen of Death, and it seemed to delete the screen capture and the help file containing the message. I loaded the released version of the operating system, but the help file was completely different. If anyone has a copy of Windows 95 pre-release version 1032, I would really like them to confirm my findings. It's so weird that I can't believe it."

Industry comments
A Microsoft spokesman declined to comment at length on Mr. Lee's purported discovery, claiming that "Microsoft technology, while advanced, does not extend to time travel."

Apple Computer, headquartered in Cupertino, close to Mr. Lee, invited our reporter to examine the help file for the Hungarian version of Apple's mail program, claiming that if every seventh letter of the file was read starting at the fifth character, it would read (in Hausa, a West African language) "Kerry will kick Bush butt" but we were unable to verify this claim.

Linus Torvalds, the inventor of the open source operating system Linux, told us that "Anyone who believes anything written in on-line help files needs his head examining."

George W. Bush's campaign headquarters told us that they are willing to employ Mr. Lee as a campaign consultant, provided he can discover similar unequivocal references in the Bible to Iraqi WMDs (weapons of mass destruction), which have yet to be discovered, and provided the primary reason for the US invasion and occupation of Iraq.

A spokesman for John Kerry commented that "using Windows 95 is enough to drive anyone insane. Our full sympathy and support go to Mr. Lee, and we hope that he will soon make a complete recovery from his delusionary state."

Our reporters are still searching for a copy of a version of the operating system used by Mr. Lee, but most computer users questioned replied that they had deleted their copies many years ago. The hunt is still on -- please contact us if you are able to help.

Microsoft shares fell by $0.02 on receipt of this news.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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